A Day in the Life (or: Why I haven’t been blogging)

[Scene: AUTHOR is huddled under a pile of blankets. The sun shines through her single-paned glass windows. When she breathes, the heat of her breath condenses into clouds. Yes, inside.]


[AUTHOR grapples for iPhone and blearily checks time. iPhone says 6:30. AUTHOR stabs off alarm.]

[Fade to black]

iPhone (Get the F*** Out of Bed Alarm): TRILL TRILL TRILL TRILL TRILL

[6:50. AUTHOR checks emails accumulated over the night. Drags herself out of bed and proceeds to fold up futon, make food, perform Important Hygienic Activities to keep from smelling, and gather supplies for the day, all the while listening to BBC’s Global News. At 7:35-:40, she piles into her car and heads to work.]

[Scene change. Morning. AUTHOR totters up a hill from her car and heads toward school.]

Line of Male students: GOOD MORNING AUTHOR.

Author: Good morning..ghlhkh

Male Students: HOW ARE YOU?

Author: Sleepy.

[AUTHOR proceeds to the teachers room, a chaotic collection of 30 desks, a forest worth of papers, and lots of coffee.]

Author: Good morning, everyone.

Teachers: …ning…

[AUTHOR drops Computer Things at her desk, books it for the coffee lounge, and grabs a big cuppa. Thus the day begins…]

8:30-9:40 Frantically prepare for lessons/check homework/grade/re-check emails now that AUTHOR is awake.
9:40-12:30 Teach impressionable young Japanese students the awesomeness/craziness that is the English language
12:30-1:00 Lunch!

Author: Blech! What is this? [Holding up MYSTERY FOOD with chopsticks.]

Helpful Coworker: Oh, that is [says unknown JAPANESE WORD].

Author: I don’t understand.

Helpful Coworker: I said, [UNKNOWN JAPANESE WORD].

Author: It’s not whale, dolphin, or liver, is it?

Helpful Coworker: No, it’s [UNKNOWN JAPANESE WORD]. It’s a fish!

Author: Oh. Okay. [Puts it in mouth. Chews. Swallows.]

Helpful Coworker: Well?

Author: It’s fine.

1:00-2:00 Finish correcting homework. Wander halls and interact with students.
2:00-4:00 If all Day Job work is finished, Do Authorly Things–writing, editing, critiquing, secret awesome things, surreptitious iPhone emailing/tweeting.
4:00-5:00 Study Korean
5:00-6:15 Korean Lesson!

Kim-Seongsengnim: [SPEAKS KOREAN]

Author: Uh… Aniyo?

Kim-Seongsengnim: [SPEAKS KOREAN SLOWLY]

Author: Uh… Ne?

Kim-Seongengnim: [IN KOREAN] WERE. YOU. BUSY. TODAY?

Author: Oh! Ne! Of course. [IN JAPANESE:] Crazy busy.

6:15-7:00 Purchase dinner. Eat dinner whilst old folks surreptitiously watch AUTHOR with SUSPICION and/or INTEREST (of the non-creepy kind).
7:00-7:50 Japanese Fan Dancing

Matsuo-sensei: [IN JAPANESE] And then you twirl your fan like this… [Performs complicated fan motion]

Author: Uh. [Attempts complicated fan motion.] [Fails.]

Matsuo-sensei: [IN JAPANESE] Do you understand?

Author: Uh. [IN JAPANESE] I will try hard!

Matsuo-sensei: [IN JAPANESE] Good. Let’s do the whole song!

Author: [IN JAPANESE] Wait. So, this fan bit. [Flaps arms.] What is the left arm doing while we do this fan bit? [Flaps arms again.]

Matsuo-sensei: [IN JAPANESE] Put it inside your kimono, right over your boob.

Author: [Stifles snicker.] Right. Boob. Got it. [Puts inside kimono, over boob.]

7:40 Get stomach ache from eating too much, too fast, before Fan Dancing exercising. Leave Fan Dancing early to go to…
8:00-8:30 Taiko (Japanese Drumming)

Author: [IN JAPANESE] I’m very sorry, but I can’t stay the whole time today. I got a stomach ache.

Goto-san: [IN JAPANESE] Oh, of course! Are you all right? What happened? Would you like to go to the hospital?

Author: [IN JAPANESE] No! It’s nothing. I had this leaf-plum-pork fried thing. I love it, so I ate too much, and now I have a stomach ache. It’s a little embarrassing.

Goto-san: [IN JAPANESE] Oh. I do that, too. [Playfully hits AUTHOR]

8:30-9:00 Return trip home
9:00-10:30 Catch up with emails from the morning/throughout the day. Cackle with glee over upcoming awesome. Write blog post if not too exhausted. Think about Mass Effect 3 with longing.
10:30-11:30 Watch the Daily Show and/or Colbert to unwind. Send emails to friends. Read.
11:30 Perform more Necessary Hygienic Tasks. Ignore dirty dishes. Unfold futons. Make bed. AUTHOR shivers as she slides between the freezing sheets.

[Fade to black.]

Well, so, that was actually my day today. HAHAHAHA, oh my hijinks! I’m actually not usually this busy from Friday to Monday. Wednesdays and Thursdays are my busiest days (hence why it takes me longer to respond to emails on Tuesdays and Wednesdays for those of you living in the States). And I actually really enjoy it, even though it can be stressful. My life is fun. It’s full. I do things that I’m interested in and stretch my current knowledge base!

But really, I should not eat that much again. 😉

So Minions, any hijinks lately? Does my schedule make you a little nervous? Or do you know how it goes, especially if you–say–have kids or other Important Family Folks unlike lucky bachelorettes like moi. 😉

And yes, there is excitement coming. Friday. Be prepared. Much like the Hyenas, except without killing Mufasa.